


A Moat of Blood and Tears

by puppykihyun



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Scars, Self-Harm, and kisses too, i don't actually depict akaashi hurting himself but it's still there, it has a happy ending okay, oh right theres cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-16 07:17:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3479216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puppykihyun/pseuds/puppykihyun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone knew Akaashi hid his emotions. They thought it was just his personality. They had no idea it was his way to hide himself. To keep people from seeing all the horrible things he thought about himself and did to himself. They didn’t know about the scars on his upper thighs. They didn’t know that a lot of the bruises he had weren’t from volleyball. He closed himself off; he made a moat out of his split skin. Filled it with blood and tears and a built a wall to keep anyone that made it past out. </p><p>Someone had managed to get past both of those. They smoothed over his split skin and slowly climbed his wall. Akaashi knew it was happening, he tried to keep himself from letting it happen but he was oddly okay with it. He was okay with Bokuto being the one person to see him for who he was. For him to see his inner turmoil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Moat of Blood and Tears

Everyone knew Akaashi hid his emotions. They thought it was just his personality. They had no idea it was his way to hide himself. To keep people from seeing all the horrible things he thought about himself and did to himself. They didn’t know about the scars on his upper thighs. They didn’t know that a lot of the bruises he had weren’t from volleyball. He closed himself off; he made a moat out of his split skin. Filled it with blood and tears and a built a wall to keep anyone that made it past out. 

Someone had managed to get past both of those. They smoothed over his split skin and slowly climbed his wall. Akaashi knew it was happening, he tried to keep himself from letting it happen but he was oddly okay with it. He was okay with Bokuto being the one person to see him for who he was. For him to see his inner turmoil.

He still hasn’t told Bokuto about his scars or fresh cut wounds. He doesn’t know how to tell him. He doesn’t think Bokuto will get mad or leave him but he’s still scared. Scared that his reaction will be to sympathetic or to emotional. 

He decides to do a search on how to tell someone you love that you self harm. How the best way to do it is. He finds a few easy and effective ways he can do it. He decides to bring it up the next time Bokuto comes over when his parents are out. That turns out to be today. 

Akaashi wipes his sweaty hand on his shorts and grabs Bokuto’s hand as he pulls him in through the front door. He slips his shoes off nervously. “I’m home.” Akaashi says this as he scans the house to make sure they are alone. He’s trying to keep his hands from shaking and hopes that bokuto doesn’t notice. 

“Would you like something to drink, Bokuto-san?” Akaashi gently pulls Bokuto towards the kitchen to get himself a cup of water. “Yeah! Water works for me.” He smiled. 

Akaashi let go of his hand and pulled out two glasses and filled them up with water. He nervously handed the first one to Bokuto and took a sip from his own. Bokuto smiled at him and put his arm around Akaashi’s shoulders pulling him closer. Akaashi flinched at the touch and Bokuto gave him a confused look. 

“You’ve been jumpy this whole time Akaashi! Whats wrong?” Bokuto pulled back from Akaashi to face him. He left one hand on his shoulder and brought the other up to cup his jaw. Akaashi looked down and shook his head. “We can talk about it in my room, Bokuto-san.” Bokuto gave Akaashi a suspicious look but let go. 

Akaashi made his way to his room. He allowed Bokuto to walk in ahead of him and closed the door. He set his water down and sat on the edge of his bed. He tapped his fingers on his knee and looked anywhere but Bokuto. Akaashi heard Bokuto shift and felt him crawl towards him. He looked over and locked eyes with Bokuto’s soft round yellow ones. He saw nothing but kindness and concern as Bokuto grabbed his hand and placed a kiss on his knuckles.

“Okay so whats the big news? You don’t have to quit volleyball do you?” Bokutos eyebrows came together in concern and Akaashi shook his head and shifted his body to face Bokuto. “No it’s nothing like that. It’s a more serious matter.” He paused to take in a deep breath. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you this for a while. It’s a very serious issue and I want you to contain yourself when I tell you.”

Bokuto nodded his head in agreement with a surprisingly serious expression. Akaashi looked down and decided it would be best to just show him since he’s not sure what to say. “I’m going to pull my short leg up to show you, Bokuto-san.” Bokuto looked confused at the words but nodded his head and urged him onwards. Akaashi took a deep breath and transferred his weight to the left side of his body so he could roll up the right side of his shorts.

He felt the first scar under his finger and he stilled. He wasn’t sure if this is the right thing to do but when he felt Bokuto’s hand on his shoulder he took a deep breath and continued to roll them up. He heard Bokuto’s quiet gasp when they were rolled up all the way revealing the thick scars and healing cuts on his upper thigh. 

Akaashi didn’t move. He was waiting for Bokuto to do something. He sat still for a minute waiting for a reaction before he finally looked up and saw Bokuto covering his mouth with one hand. There were silent tears rolling down his face.

Akaashi was taken aback. He hadn’t been expecting a reaction like this. “Bokuto-san why are you crying? You didn’t do anything wrong.” Akaashi reached towards Bokuto when he threw his weight onto Akaashi knocking them down on the bed and rubbing his face into his neck. “Akaashi. Akaashi. Akaashi” Bokuto continued to murmur his name. He’s still laying on bokuto with his face in his neck. Akaashi can’t breath very well because Bokuto is heavy and crushing his chest but he doesn’t care.

Akaashi puts his arms around Bokuto, one resting on the small of his back and the other resting in his hair. He pulls Bokuto closer to his chest while he waits for the older boy to stop crying. He’s rubbing circles in his back when Bokuto looks up at him, no longer crying. 

“You don’t have to suffer alone anymore Akaashi. I thought you would have known that. We’ve been friends for a year and a half and dating for almost 4 months. I care about you so much and don’t want to see you in so much pain. You’re amazing and I love you!” Bokuto flushed upon realizing what he said and shoved his face down into Akaashi’s neck. He’d said it before but never in such a serious situation so it made him nervous.

Akaashi smiled and pulled Bokuto’s face up with a small smile on his face, his eyes shining from unshed tears. He placed his forehead against Bokuto’s. “I love you too, Koutarou.” Akaashi whispered. He pulled Bokuto’s face down the rest of the way and kissed him. They smiled against each others lips and Bokuto slowly melted into the kiss. 

He let his body relax as Akaashi rubbed soothing circles into his shoulders. Akaashi moved one hand to the front of Bokuto’s shoulder and pushed him up so that he could look into his eyes. “Thank you, Bokuto-san.” He smiled and Bokuto placed kisses all over his face. His nose, his eyes, his temple his jaws and his lips. 

Bokuto shifted his weight to roll them over so that they were laying on their sides facing each other. Bokuto let out a gentle laugh and pulled Akaashi towards him and placed his head in the crook of his neck and closed his eyes. Akaashi placed a kiss on the top of Bokuto’s head after he smoothed the spikes a bit. He closed his eyes and let sleep take him.

**Author's Note:**

> uhm I wrote this Is a vent fic to distract myself cus of an incredibly unfortunate event that happened today (technically yesterday since its after midnight) and I thought this was an appropriate way to distract myself. I might (emphasis on might) write more tonight if I need a better distraction.
> 
> Also I'mm sorry if this is ooc. considering the situation it makes sense that they would be the this way but yeah. I hoped you enjoyed this and i hope you all have a lovely week. Thank you for reading!!


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